A sunny Thursday morning here in Wisconsin. They say we could hit 89 today, with scattered showers possible. It was 87 yesterday and upper 80s on Tuesday but the humidity has been low, thankfully. We did have some much needed rain yesterday afternoon.
So, June 1st already. We all say it every month but once again, "June already?! Where the heck has this year gone?!" Seriously though! I've already had the first faint flickers of fall vibes, had a few brief moments of excitement thinking about this year's holiday season . . . and it's only June 1st! Or maybe, it's already June 1st? lol
I stepped away from blogging for a month. It wasn't intentional and there was nothing in particular that kept me away. The feeling just left me for a while. I think having those slight early fall/holiday vibes might be what has brought me back. It seems like the fall and holidays are the time I feel like blogging most. I also might have felt the need to come back because my brother's death has totally shook up the peaceful, content feeling I'd surprisingly managed to find during my time away. Remember before my blog break, I'd been talking here and there about 'leaving court life and living quietly in the country'? I didn't do it intentionally but I realized one day during that break that I was feeling completely relaxed and peaceful just in the boring day to day stuff. I felt no need to share every little thing, either here or in written journal. For the first time since quitting working almost four years ago, I felt okay about being home. And then that call from my sister-in-law and all the upheaval that followed for the next week or so, and it's knocked me right back into anxious mode. It will take some time to settle down again, I know.
My arm seems to be stuck at a certain point in its healing. If you remember, I fell in mid-February and cracked one of the bones in my forearm. I think there was probably also other damage, like muscle and tendons or ligaments, but I had not gone to the recommended ortho appointment. I'd thought at the time, early on, that everything was healing nicely so I didn't go. We have high deductible insurance, and I didn't want to pay for anything I didn't absolutely have to. Now I'm thinking I should have gone. I probably still can, and probably should. I've been reading online about stretching and strengthening exercises, and I've started wearing a compression sleeve to see if that helps. It definitely feels better with the sleeve on.
I've given up on my yard work goals. I'd started so good on that overgrown flower bed earlier this spring, then I don't know what happened. I think it was the mix of cold days and rain that kept me from continuing to work on it, then I just gave up. My new plan is to weed-whack it all down and spray some weed/grass killer over the whole thing. If I can get some cheap mulch I'll throw a thick layer down, and try to be on top of things next spring. I haven't even bought any potted flowers for the porch yet this year. I think it's finally going to stay warm enough though, that I'll maybe get just a couple this weekend.
Well, the morning is ticking away already. I see that the bird feeders are all empty so I should get out there and feed the demanding masses that are waiting in the nearby tree. Do blackbirds completely clean out your feeders daily?! I also have last night's dishes to do, so I will get this posted and go accomplish these great things. lol
Deb, I didn't work for thirty years like you did, and I find it's hard to find my place here at home without feeling guilty or that I should be doing more. My husband works from home, so when I sit around and am lazy, yeah, I feel bad. He is also an energizer bunny, takes breaks and goes on runs, mows the lawn at eight at night when I'm exhausted from all the nothing I've done all day, ha. You deserve your retirement, so do what ever you want to do. I'm sorry your arm is still bothering you, dang. And I'm super sorry about your brother. (I don't like hugs much either, unless it's from someone I really like or am genuinely really glad to see...but those fake-y perfume-y hugs from someone who would just as quickly backbite me into next week, well, no thank you, ha...)
ReplyDeletePeople keep telling me all the time that I should not feel guilty about being able to stay home, that working those 30+ years paid my dues. I still feel guilty though because I am still young enough and able bodied enough that I could still be working and contributing to the retirement savings. I see how tired and worn out hubby is every day when he gets home from work, and that guilt kicks in all over again.
Delete~Deb
Welcome back from your break. So very sorry about your brother. And you know, it is hard to find our place once the kids are grown and/or we no longer work outside the home. I found the days quite empty when three little ones and a baby didn't need me all the time. I am a homebody, so I am rediscovering cozy afternoons with movies and books!
ReplyDeleteI'm a total homebody too, but like I was telling Della in the comment above, I still have so much guilt about not working because I see who worn out hubby is each day, and I'm still able bodied enough that I *could* be working.
DeleteI love being home though, when I can shush those guilty feelings at least! lol
~Deb
Welcome back dear Deb! I'm so glad you took the break you needed. And that you were finding the joy you were seeking. My heart still just breaks for you and your family about your brother. I keep sending positive thoughts and prayers when you pop in my head. 💗 I hope you can find the calm and joy again in the many little things you enjoy and makes you happy. And I hope you can find good therapy for your arm. Therapy helped my herniated back a ton when I was really suffering. They gave me tools I still use each day!
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a wonderful and relaxing weekend ahead. xo
Hello, and thank you. Things have settled back down to normal for me now. I didn't see that brother often so it's often like nothing has happened, until I stop and think about it. Some family members are still having a really hard time with it though. I think sometimes people feel guilty about getting back to normal, and keep keep hanging on to the hard parts of grieving. People grieve in their own way, I know.
DeleteI'm having urges to blog more often the past week or so. I'm really 50/50 about it though, because I love doing it but at the same time, I feel I'm not getting what I want out of it. So for now I'm just sort of going with the flow of how I feel about it each morning.
~Deb